Q: My sex life is okay, but pretty vanilla. My husband and I are both shy about discussing sex together or suggesting trying anything new. How can I let him know I want us to be wilder in bed? A: It sounds like you are caught in the Good Girl/Nice Guy trap. Many adults have been socialized and conditioned to downplay or outright deny their deeper sexual selves. Ironically, … [Read more...] about 3 Things You Can Try to Spice Up A Vanilla Sex Life
Q: Yet another couple we know is getting divorced. It’s scary for me because they seemed so happy. How can my husband and I make sure we don’t become a statistic? A: There’s no doubt about it: Long-term love can be hard to sustain. Women today are twice as likely to seek divorce as men, and the reasons for wanting out have changed. A large proportion of women cite a lack of … [Read more...] about Expert Advice: How do I Divorce-Proof My Marriage?
Do create a detailed, flattering, eye-catching profile Post at least five recent photos ranging from glam to jeans-no-makeup. Tell the truth about everything except your name. Use a pseudonym until you meet the guy in person and decide he is okay. Smart equals safe. … [Read more...] about The Do’s and Don’ts of Successful Online Dating
Q: Our summer holidays were great; my husband and I camped, played golf, and had lots of sex. Now that we are once again in the daily grind of work responsibilities, I’m afraid we will return to our habit of making love only every couple of weeks. How can we stay connected? A: It sounds like you experienced the vacation fling phenomenon: couples needing to get away in order … [Read more...] about How to Make Vacation Sex Last
Q: I like my body, and really enjoy sex with my husband, but I have this one big hang-up. I want to enjoy getting oral sex—but I can’t. I feel tense and awkward. How can I relax and get pleasure from it? A: In my private practice, I work with quite a few otherwise sexually well-adjusted women who report feeling anxiety and shame when receiving oral sex. Why? Let’s face … [Read more...] about How to Relax and Enjoy Getting Oral Sex
How to fix the damage If asked at the altar, most men and women would state that monogamy in marriage is a must, and that an affair is a deal breaker. Until it happens to them. In reality, more than half of couples who experience an affair stay together. Rather than break up, those couples make a new deal, and some marriages end up stronger for the experience. If your … [Read more...] about How to Fix Your Relationship After an Affair
First comes love, then comes marriage, then come a few years of satisfying sexuality. Then the sex slows—and sometimes even stops. Your husband turns away from you in bed. You lie next to him, wanting him still, wondering if this is normal. Time passes. Other men tempt you. You consider leaving, but you choose to stay…. He is still your best friend, and in most ways the … [Read more...] about Is a Sexless Marriage Okay?
Q: I know that my husband sometimes watches porn, and I want him to stop. How do I talk to him about it? A: The topic of pornography can polarize a couple and, if you are not careful, create both interpersonal and sexual problems between you. I have worked with women who are threatened and angry if their mate admits indulging. My advice? First, quit taking it personally, … [Read more...] about How to Talk to Your Partner About His Porn Habit
Q. I rarely have an orgasm during intercourse, though I can have one on my own. My husband wants us to have mutual orgasms and I feel like I am letting him down. Am I normal? A. In a word, yes. Research indicates that up to 80 percent of women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse (or do so only occasionally). That means fewer than a quarter of women climax through … [Read more...] about Is It Normal Not to Orgasm From Intercourse?
When it comes to dating, too many potentially epic love affairs end before they start simply because we don’t like how the other person looks. Let me ask you this—if you were blind, would you find him attractive? Many people confuse good looks with attraction, and those are not the same things. We may turn our heads when a handsome man swaggers by, but, all too often, once we … [Read more...] about Can Love Happen Without Physical Chemistry?
There is a big difference between someone smothering you and loving you. Smothering is driven by insecurity and selfishness. Loving is driven by confidence and generosity. Smothering is based on fear and the need to be together. Loving is based on a healthy wish for connection and the enjoyment of shared time. Smothering is about your partner getting what he needs: “I want to … [Read more...] about How to Tell Your Husband He’s Smothering You
Q: I’m married with kids, and have a hectic career. By bedtime, I’m too tired for sex; last month, my husband and I didn’t make love once. What can I do? A: I have two words for you: morning sex. Men love this phrase, while women, well, you probably rolled your eyes on reading that, didn’t you? Fair enough. After all, he wakes up physiologically ready for love—healthy men … [Read more...] about The Benefits of Morning Sex for Busy Couples