Ditch goal-oriented thinking
Has sex become a chore on your to-do list rather than a fun diversion? Forbes-Robert suggests shifting the focus of one-on-one time altogether. You might say, for instance, “Tonight I’m going to give you a massage and if it goes there it goes there, if it’s doesn’t it’s still something sensual we do together.”
Sirota agrees, and notes that gift-giving is another way couples can get stuck in a rut – and find a place to freshen things up. “If every year it’s the same thing, a dozen red roses and you get taken to Olive Garden, then you can up it and say, ‘let’s try something different,'” she says. For instance, she suggests, forget dinner out altogether, and spend the money instead on a hotel room.